


Getting Over Horizon

by soldiermom1973



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Gen, Poetry, Some light smut, Willenko, a teensy dash of angst, horizon - Freeform, kiss and make up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 10:31:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17343671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soldiermom1973/pseuds/soldiermom1973
Summary: When Ashley Williams finds out that her mentor is not only still alive but working with the largest terrorist organization in the galaxy, she's furious.  Fortunately, her lover is able to put things in a different perspective for her.





	Getting Over Horizon

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lou988](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lou988/gifts).



> Obviously, Kaidan and Ash both survive Virmire for this one (which I'm more than ok with for reasons I won't get into here). I've never written this ship before and I've never done a complete playthrough with Ash because I just can't leave Kaidan behind. I hope I'm not too far off on her personality.
> 
> This is a pinch hit for the MEFFW Secret Santa Exchange - Lou988, I hope you like it.

Ashley stared at the blank screen in front of her, spinning an empty coffee mug with her fingertips. It had been hours since the Collectors landed and then were chased off by Commander Shepard. Hours since she railed at him for betraying her and everything the Alliance stood for. Hours since he left the colony, his shoulders slumped and a look of dejection on his face.

_Commander fucking Shepard_

She still couldn't wrap her head around the fact that her former commander was alive and working with Cerberus. Garrus was with him, not that it helped any, Ash fumed to herself. She knew the turian idolized the older man and probably jumped at the chance to help him with whatever errands Cerberus had him running.

For months she grieved, not only the loss of the ship and her friends and crewmates, but that of the man she molded herself after. Someone she looked up to as a mentor and a good friend. Someone she shared some of her darker secrets with. Someone she thought she could trust. _Alive. He was fucking ALIVE. And working with god damned terrorists._

Ashley let out an angry howl and threw the mug across the room, wincing as it shattered.

“Chief Williams? You ok?”

Ash spun around, startled at the sound of the young ensign's voice. “Yeah,” she muttered. “Just... trying to wrap my head around stuff, that's all.”

“Yeah, who knew Commander Shepard was still alive?” The ensign seemed almost star-struck at the notion and Ash had to internalize a bitter chuckle. There was a time when she was that star-struck, that naive. Not anymore.

“You need something?” Her tone was sharper than she intended but right now, she didn't care.

“Uh, no, ma'am. Just heard the noise and wanted to make sure you were ok.”

“I'm good.” Ash turned back around to the blank screen and fired up her computer, ending the conversation.

As soon as her system booted up, she logged into her email, hoping for a response to her report about the Collectors and Shepard's role in saving the colony. Her heart hammered in her chest when she saw an email from Councilor Anderson. She opened it, confused when she saw it simply said, “You're being reassigned to the Citadel. Meet up with the relief team for further instructions.”

That was it – no explanation, no questions, nothing. “They knew,” she fumed. “ _HE_ fucking knew and wouldn't tell me. This just gets better and better.”

She took several deep breaths, trying to get her anger under control. Normally, she kept a tight lid on her emotions, but today was just too much. She opened her communications program and dialed a familiar number, hoping he wouldn't be mad at her for waking him.

The call was answered with a sleepy sigh and grunt. “Yeah? Oh, hey, babe. What's up? Is everything ok?”

Kaidan ran a hand down his face and then through his hair, squinting at the screen.

Ash couldn't help the smile that spread across her face. Seeing the man she loved instantly soothed the anger she was feeling moments ago.

“Hey,” she answered softly. “I'm sorry I woke you.”

“It's no biggie,” he smiled, sitting up. “You're on the short list of people who are allowed to. How's Horizon? Did you get that piece of equipment fixed yet?”

Because they could rarely talk over a secure line, Ash had to be vague about the AA gun that hadn't been working. There was nothing like inadvertently letting the galaxy's scum know a human colony was being barely protected, not to mention that the weapon itself would have been a prime target for thieves.

“It's working now,” she said slowly, “but not because of anything anyone here did.”

“Oh?” Curiosity washed over Kaidan's face. “Anything you can talk about?”

“No,” Ash shook her head, “but Anderson's bringing me to the Citadel, so I can fill you in when I get back.” It took every ounce of willpower to keep from telling Kaidan who fixed the gun.

“You're coming home? Ash, that's great!” A familiar swell of adoration blossom across Ash's chest at the gleaming smile Kaidan gave her. “Keep me posted, ok?”

“Sure. Love you. See you soon.” Ash kissed her fingertips and placed them to the screen, smiling when her lover returned the gesture.

“I love you, too. Be careful.”

When the screen winked out, Ash sighed and packed her things, thankful that she followed Kaidan's minimalist thoughts when it came to her duty stations. Her gear filled a duffel, but her own possessions neatly fit inside a large backpack. She gave her room one last glance before heading out to find the relief team's CO.

\- - - - - - - - -

When Ash arrived at the Citadel, she made a beeline for Kaidan's apartment. She messaged him when her transport docked and made sure he was home. In the skycab, it was all she could do to keep the horrifying events of Horizon from consuming her thoughts. Thoughts about the 'seeker swarms' tearing through the colony, paralyzing the people, her helplessness as the Collectors moved through the immobile bodies. Angry tears pricked at the corner of her eyes as she thought about Shepard standing in front of her, trying to explain his association with Cerberus.

She took several deep breaths to calm herself; the last thing she wanted was for her emotions to carry over into her reunion with Kaidan. She wasn't mad at him and it wasn't fair for her to lash out at him. Instead of thinking about Horizon, she recited poetry to herself, focusing on her favorites. By the time the skycab parked, she was in a much better mood.

Kaidan greeted her at the door, momentarily surprised when she launched herself into his arms. She cradled his face in her hands and kissed him deeply. He moaned against her mouth and returned her embrace, pulling her tighter against him.

“'A man had given all other bliss, And all his worldly worth for this, To waste his whole heart in one kiss upon her perfect lips,'” Kaidan breathed when they finally separated.

“You always know just what to say, don't you?” Ashley laid her head in the crook of his shoulder, thankful to be home, safe and sheltered from the horrible things in the galaxy.

He smiled down at her, gently brushing the loose tendrils of hair that had worked loose from her bun. “I try,” he said.

Ashley stroked his cheek and stood on tiptoe to hug him again. She pressed her lips together and willed herself not to cry. She knew Kaidan would be the last person to judge her for letting off steam like that, especially after everything she had been through, but it was still hard for her to let herself be so vulnerable around him.

“I missed you,” Kaidan murmured against her neck.

“Yeah? Prove it,” she dared him, taking a small step back. A smirk toyed across her lips and she arched an eyebrow at him.

With a lusty growl, Kaidan scooped her off her feet, carried her to the bedroom, and did just that. With his tongue, his fingers, and finally his cock, he showed her exactly how much he missed her and what he thought about while she was gone. His name fell from her lips in breathless gasps as she reached her peak again and again, her muscles twitching, her back arching from the bed. They finished in a tangle of sweat-slicked limbs and Ash felt more at peace than she had in months.

She curled on her side and Kaidan nestled in behind her, kissing her shoulders and running his fingers along her back. She sighed and pressed against him. “You make me feel so safe,” she whispered.

“I'm glad. I know you can take care of yourself, but I'll never let anything happen to you. Not if I can help it.”

Ash couldn't control her tears any longer. She turned over in Kaidan's arms and wished she could somehow be closer to him than was physically possible, as though that might somehow chase away the thoughts about Horizon.

“What happened?” Kaidan asked, concern heavy in his voice. He was glad she was comfortable enough to allow herself to be this open to him, this vulnerable, but it also meant things on Horizon must have pulled really hard to port.

“The Collectors, Kaidan,” she sniffled. “The Collectors showed up.”

Kaidan tensed and pulled back, his eyes darting around her face while he brushed her tears away with his thumb. “What? What happened?”

Ashley broke down as she told him about the AA gun not working, how the colonists seemed to blame her for everything, how she was walking around with the mayor when the seeker swarms showed up. Kaidan listened as the woman he loved fell apart in front of him, detailing how helpless she felt, how close she came to being taken away by the abominations that supposedly worked for the Reapers. When she finished, he sat up and pulled her into his lap, cradling her against his chest. He stroked her hair and murmured soothing words into her ear, not caring how long it took for her to work through her feelings. It wasn't often that she fell apart like this; she needed him to be her anchor and he was damn happy to do it.

When she finally started to calm down, she pulled away and tried wiping her tears from his shoulder. “That isn't all. Shepard is alive,” she murmured. Maybe it was the sex, maybe it was the crying she just did, but whatever it was, saying it no longer made her feel the anger it did just days before.

Kaidan let out a heavy sigh and curled his fingers around hers with one hand and caressed her cheeks with the other.

“Did you hear me? I said Shepard was alive.” Ash looked up at him, confused about why this news wasn't getting a reaction from him. He and Shepard had been best friends before and during their time on the Normandy. His death hit Kaidan the hardest out of any of the crew and for a while, Ash thought she might lose him to his grief.

“I heard you,” he mumbled, unable to look at her.

Realization dawned on her and she pulled herself off his lap, staring at him in disbelief. “You knew,” she said incredulously. “You fucking knew! And you didn't tell me?”

Her anger quickly bubbled to the surface and she jumped from the bed, quickly putting her clothes back on. “How could you? How could you not tell me something like that?” She was furious and didn't bother to hide it.

“I didn't know for certain, Ash.” Kaidan moved to the edge of the bed, knowing better than to chase after her. He knew the best thing to do when she got angry was to give her some space. “All I heard was rumors. You had already left for Horizon when I saw the first reports about it.”

“But we spoke after that. Several times, I might add,” she spat, pointing a finger at him. “You could have said something then.”

“Like what? My best friend, your mentor was maybe still alive? Over an unsecure line? Please, take a deep breath and think about this.”

Ashley crossed her arms over her chest and glared at her boyfriend. “You could have dropped hints. You have access to secure channels, you could have used one of those.”

“And do you know what you would have done? You'd have been like a dog with a bone, Ash. You're just as stubborn as he is. You'd have pestered the hell out of Anderson and Hackett for more info. You'd have pushed me to look into it...”

“Did you? Did you look into it?”

“I tried,” he admitted. “I called in some favors, went to Barla Von, and all I got were reported sightings. Anderson wouldn't confirm anything, but he gave me enough that I was able to put two and two together.”

“And you knew he was with Cerberus?” Ash didn't want to be angry. She didn't want her homecoming to go downhill like this, but she couldn't help it. She, Kaidan, and Shepard were like peas in a pod when they were going after Saren and the fact that Kaidan kept something like this from her not only pissed her off, it hurt.

“Again, all I had was rumors. Ash, please,” he begged. “Please sit here with me. Hear me out.”

“I can't sit, Kaidan. I'm too pissed,” she muttered, pacing around the room. “I just can't believe you didn't tell me.”

“Ok, look – I told you you had already left for Horizon when I heard the first reports. I went to Anderson and he wouldn't confirm anything but he dropped a few hints. I went to Barla Von, that volus information broker we dealt with to get information about Saren, remember?”

Ash nodded, so Kaidan continued. “All he could give me was that there were reports of Shepard running around the Traverse, working with Cerberus. I found out that he's been spotted in Zakera Ward, but I haven't been able to get there yet to talk to anyone about it.”

The more he talked, the more Ashley calmed down. Her hands dropped to her side, but she continued to pace as Kaidan kept talking. “You've only been gone a couple of months, Ash. I have my own duties to attend to, too. I did what I could in my spare time. And be honest, what would you have done if I had told you what I heard?”

Ash sighed and shook her head. “I know, I know. And Kaidan, honestly, I heard the same reports, but I couldn't believe they were true. I couldn't believe that Shepard would be alive and not reach out to one of us. And I just can't forgive the fact that he's working for Cerberus.”

“So, that part's true, too,” Kaidan murmured, patting the bed next to him. She trudged across the floor and flopped on the mattress next to him. “Did he say why he was doing it?”

Ashley knotted her fingers together as she relayed Shepard's side of the story – he had been dead for two years, woke up in a Cerberus lab, and had been working with them ever since to try and stop the Collector attacks. “But did he say why he was working for them?” Kaidan pressed.

“ _With_ them. He was adamant about that. Said the Council refused to help and that the Alliance couldn't.”

“Well, he isn't wrong there,” Kaidan mused, pulling Ashley against him. “Is he?”

“But there had to be another way!” she protested.

“What way? Ash, you said he said he woke up in a Cerberus lab. What other way was there supposed to be?”

“I don't know,” she admitted, “but it had to be something better than working with them.”

“Ok, so look at it from his point of view,” he nestled his cheek against the top of her head. “He wakes up in a Cerberus lab that's under attack. The last thing he remembered was floating through space. You, me, the rest of the crew had two years to deal with him dying and move on. For him, it was probably like a nap. Can you imagine losing two years of your life? And on top of that, you find out that human colonies are disappearing and no one seems to give a damn about why but you're expected to save the day. Again.”

“No one except the largest terrorist organization in the galaxy,” Ash muttered.

“Put that aside for now,” Kaidan chided her. “Didn't you say Garrus was with him? And a krogan? Does that sound like the Cerberus we know?”

“No,” Ash admitted, “but just because Shep had a couple of aliens on his ground team doesn't forgive the horrible things Cerberus has done over the years.”

“You're right,” Kaidan conceded, “and if you think that doesn't eat at Shepard every night when he goes to bed, then you don't know him as well as you think you do.”

Ash sighed as she thought about what Kaidan was saying. It made sense, all of it made perfect sense. Shepard always wanted to do the right thing and got frustrated by either the Council or the Alliance on a regular basis when they refused to help with whatever problem he brought to them. He even told her that he didn't trust Cerberus, but for now, he didn't have a choice. She frowned when she realized that she probably would have done the same thing. She'd have told Cerberus to shove off at first, but then she'd have probably accepted their help if it meant saving the colonies in the Traverse.

“I think Joker was with him, too.” Ash finally relaxed into Kaidan's embrace. “When I walked away I could hear him call for pick up and I'd swear he said Joker's name.”

“That makes sense,” Kaidan mused. “I heard that after the Alliance grounded him, Cerberus recruited him. Flying is like breathing to that man and we took it from him.”

The pair was quiet for a few moments before Kaidan said, “You know, I probably would have done the same thing.”

“What's that?” she asked.

“I'd have probably flipped out on him, too. I'd have been angry he didn't reach out and I definitely would have felt like he was betraying our friendship and the Alliance by teaming up with Cerberus, regardless of the situation.” Kaidan shrugged. “Here, I was more removed from it. I had time to think about the 'what ifs' before you confirmed everything I heard. You had it thrown in your face. Personally, I think your reaction was understandable.”

He brushed her hair behind her ear and crooked his finger under her chin. “It's what you do next that counts.”

Ashley swung her legs around and nestled back in on Kaidan's lap. “And what do you think that should be, Commander Alenko?”

“Well, Chief, I know he's still a Spectre, so you could send him a message that way,” Kaidan said. “Maybe apologize and let him know that you understand.”

Ash nodded against his chest, exhaustion finally washing over her. The stress from the past few days finally caught up with her. “Maybe later. Right now I just want to lay down and have you hold me. Please.”

While she was pacing in anger, she only managed to get back into her undergarments, which she quickly shed before Kaidan curled up behind her. He draped an arm over her waist and smiled when she knotted her fingers with his.

The last thing she heard as she drifted off to sleep was Kaidan reciting a Tennyson poem -

“O Man, forgive thy mortal foe,  
Nor ever strike him blow for blow;  
For all the souls on earth that live  
To be forgiven must forgive.  
Forgive him seventy times and seven:  
For all the blessed souls in Heaven  
Are both forgivers and forgiven!”

**Author's Note:**

> The two Tennyson poems Kaidan quotes are Sir Launcelot and Queen Guinevere and Forgiving. I don't own any rights to those poems and intend no copyright infringement.


End file.
